Saturday, November 16, 2013

Dear Friends, I am posting one Hndi CD story.  This is written by Neha Patel on a website "Rajibalan's Jimdo Page".  Well narated story. I like her naration. So posting here.  Please encourage her for more stories.

mera real name nilay hai mai aapko apna story batata hun kaise nilay se neha bni. mai apni padhai khatam krne ke bad kuchh din ke liye apne mama ke yahan chla gya. wahan mere mama aur mami hi rhte the mai apne mama ke pas phunch gya aur mami meri khub aavbhagat ki. mai sham ko phuncha tha nasta kiya phir rat men khana khane ke bad so gya mere mama job krte hai unhe apne kam ki bjah se 1 month ke liye bahar jana pd rah tha to unhone mujhse kha ki tum 1 month ke liye yhin rh jao jb tk mai nhi aata tumhari mami ka bhi man lga jayega mai man gya kyonki meri bhi chuti chal rhi thi agle din subah mama chle gye ab mai aur meri mami rh gye mami ne mujhe bola frsh ho jao nasta kr lo mai fresh ho ke nasta ki aur tv dekhne lgi.mai aapko bta dun meri mami bhut majakiya hai aur wo mujhse bhut majak krti hai aur mai bhi unke sath bhut khul gyi thi aur mai bhi mami se mjak krti uske bad meri mami bhi freh ho ke nasta ki aur mere sath tv dekhne lgi tv pe ek film aa rhi thi jisme hero ladki bna hua tha tv dekhte 2 meri mai mujhse mjak me hi boli kyon tum bhi ldki bnogi mai na bol di par mami khne khne lgi koi to nhi tum aur mai hi to hun tumhare mama bhi 1 month ke liye nhi hain ek bar hi to bnni hai aur force krne lgi phir mai bhi man gyi phir meri mami ne kha mere bedroom me aao mai unke sath unke bedroom gya wo mujhe boli chlo kpde utaro mai boli aapke samne kaise to wo boli aaj tum bhi ladki bnne ja rhi ho to sharam kaisi phir mai pura nude ho gya phir unhone bola ki phle tum apne bal saf krke aao mai bathrrom gyi phir razor se puri body ka bal saf ki phir snan ki aur meri mami ne ek panty di phnne ko mai panty phn ke bahar aayi phir meri mami ne bra phnayi phir ek blue red color ki salvar kmeej phnayi phir mujhe dressing table pe baithe ko boli mai baith gyi phir meri mai ne meri makeup krni shuru ki aankhon me kajal lips pe red colour ki lipstic lagayi mere dono hanthon me 12 chudiya phnayi mere pairon me payal phnayi phir mere hant aur pair ke nails pe red colour ki nailpolish se mere nails ko paint ki phir ek hil wali sandle di phnne ko aur aadhe ghante tk chlne ki pratice krwayi ladkiyan kaise chlati hai kaise baat krti hai mujhe sikhyi phir wo ek camera le ke aayi aur meri alag alag pose me tasveren nikali phir hm dono ne khana khaya aur pure din mai ladkiyo ki trah hi rhi night me jb khana kha ke sone jarhi thi mai mami se boli ki ab nikal deti hun ab ho gya na to wo mujhe bolne lgi abhi tum puri ladki bni khan ho na earring phni na nosering phni to mai mami se boli nhi mami ab nhi to wo mujhe blackmail krne lgi tumhari photo mai sbko dikh dungi mai dar gyi maine mami se requset ki par nhi mani aur boli meri ek shart hai tumhe 1 month tk mere sath ladki ki trah rhni pdegi aur jo mai bolungi wo sb krni pdegi mai bhi kya krti mai bhi man gyi bas 1 month ki hi to bat thi waise mujhe bhi ladkiyin ki trah rhna kpde phnna pasand tha phir mami ne mujhe ek nighty di boli change kr lo aur ye phan ke so jao agle din mai tumhe beauty parlour le jaungi mai dar gyi mai mami se boli ki nhi mami bahar nhi jaungi to mami boli koi nho pahchanega tum tenson mat lo phr hm dono sath me hi so gye.....

subah hmdono so ke jge phir mai mami ke sath unke kitchen me help ki chai pi nasta bnane me help ki phir meri mami ne bola jao freh ho jao mai fresh hone chli gyi mai nhake bahar aayi to meri mami ne blue colour ki bra panty di phnne ko mai bra panty mami ki help se phni phir meri mami ne mujhe blue colue ki salwar suit phnayi phir meri makeup krni shuru ki pahle mami ne mere nails ko matching blue colour ki nailpolish se meri hand and leg ki 20 nails pe nailpolish lga ke paint ki phir mujhe blue colur chamkdar 24 chudiyan each hand me phnayi pairon me heavy ghunguru wali payal phnayi pairon ki ungliyon me do toe ring each leg me phnayi meri hanthon ki ungliyon me bhi anguthi phnayi phir meri neck me ek necless phnayi uske bad mere face ki makeup krni shuru ki pahle face powder lagayi phir meri aankho me eye lining ki kajal lagayi maskra lagyi nkli eye lasage lgayi palkon ke upar blue colour ki shding ki meri chik pe lali lgayi phir lips pe lip lining ki aur matching blue colour ki lipstic lagayi uske bad mami ne ek chmkti bindiyan mere hesd pe lagayi phir woli dekho kaisi lag rhi ho mai mirror me apne aap ko dekh kar sharma gyi ek sundr girl lag rhi thi phir mami ne high heel ki sandle phnne ko do mai sandle phnne ke chalne ka riyaj krne lgi phi meri mami boli mai bhi freh ho jati hun phir parlour bhi jana hai aur shopping bhi krni hai mami freh ho ke taiyar ho gyi aur mai mami ke sath shopping ke liye chal pdi usse phle meri mami ne bola ki tumhara girly name neha rkhi hun aur tumhe neha hi bulaungi mai boli thik hai phle hm dono shopping ke liye gye ek western ladies shop me gyi meri mami ne phle lingrie dikhane boli aur mujhe pasand krne boli mai sharm se lal ho rhi thi meri mami ne bola neha sharmana chhodo aur pasand kro mai 8 set flowr designed and net wali bikni pasnd ki phir meri mami kuchh salwar suit nighty and 4 saree mere liye pasand krke li phir hmdono cosmetic ki dukan pe gye aur wahan makeup ka sman jaise nailpolish lipstic kajal e.t.c shopping ki sb mami mere se hi pasnd krwa rhi thi wo boli ki tumhe pahnna krna hai to tum hi pasand kro phir kuchh designed bindi chudiyan apni pasand ki shopping ki phir mami ek sunar ki dukan pe gyi aur dukandar se boli mer bhanji ke kan nak chhedne hai phir sunar ne meri each kan me 3 3 chhed kr diye left side ki nak bhi chhed di phir mami ne mere liye kuchh heavy earring nosering shoping ki phir hmdono parlour phunch gye wahan ek ladki thi jiska nam rajni tha mami ki dost thi wo jake rajni se boli meri bhanji ke facial body wax pedicure menicure krna hai aur kuchhh bhi boli rajni mujhe under le gyi aur meri body ka wax ki facial kra pedicure menicure kra phir ek fake boobs mere sine pe lgadi lambi balion ki wig set ki eye brow curve thin ki phir mai kpde phni aur mami ke sath ghar aa gyi aur mami ke sath mil lunch reddy ki aur lunch kiya phir mami boli rest kr lo rat me tumhe achhi trah se sajaungi aur sam ko blouse ka map de dena mai boli thik hai phir mai rest ki sam ek ladies aayi aur meri map li mami ne bhi kuchh smjhya phir wo chli gyi phir mai mami ke sath unka kitchen me help krne chli gyi .....

phir kitchen ka kam khatam ho jane ke bad mami ne mujhe taiyar ki aur hm dono thodi der bahar ghumne gye phir lsut ke aayi khan kha ke so gai agle subah jgi aur sbse phle tea banayi aur mami ko jagaya aur hmdono ne tea pi mai mami se boli mami 2 din bad meri birthday hai to mami boli ye to bhut achhi bat hai mai tumhari birthday special trike se celebrate krungi ki tu bhi jindgi bhar yad rkhedi mai boli thika hai mami phir mai apne kam me lag gyi 2 din nikal gyi tb tk meri blouse bhi sil ke aa gyi aur meri mami ne mere birthday ke liye lahnga choli khridi aur phull bridal aur hmko boli tumhe puri dulhan ki trah sja ke teri birrthday manungi wo subah parlour wali ko bula li rajni subah mere ghar pe aa gyi aur meri mami ne mujhe blouse aur peticot di boli phan ke aa jao mai bloue ayr peticot phn ke aa gyi phir rajni ne mujhe apne pas bithaya aur mehndi nikali mai mami se boli iski kya jarurat hai to mami boli mehndi nhi lagayegi to dulhan ki trah kaise lagegi phir rajni mere hanthon me mehndi lagane lgi wo meri upar blouse tk achhi trah dulhan ki trah mehndi se dono hanthon ko sja di phir mere dono pairon me bhi ghtne tk mehndi lagayi jaise ek dulhan ko mehndi se sajaya jata hai thik usi trah mere dono hathon aur dono pairon me full bridal mehndi laga di phir meri mami ne rajni se boli iski nabhi ko bhi mehndi se sja do aur ek nabhi ke pas bhi kan ki trah chhed kr do aur isme ek achhi jhumki phna do rajni ne mehndi se achhi design bna ke meri nabhi ko sajayi aur chhed krke ek jhumki phna di phir rjni jane lgi aur boli ab 5 6 ghante bad aaungi aur neha ko taiyar kr dungi birthday ke liye 5 ghante bad meri mehndi sukh gai thi aur mai mehndi saf ki mehndi ka colour bhut dark chhda tha meri mami dekhi aur boli tumhari sas tumhe bhut manegi mai sharma gyi phir mami ne mere pure badan pe haldi ka paste lgayai aur boli jao nha lo rajni bhi aati hogi mai bathroom gyi aur achhi trah naha ke aayi meri mami ne ek flower design ki red bra panty di boli phn lo mai phn ke bahar aayi

tb tk rajni bhi aa gyi aur mami ne use mujhe sjane ka sara saman de di phir rajni ne mujhe lahnga choli phanayi phir ek hevy kam wali red green saree phnayi aur uska pallu pin se attach kr meri bayen shoulder par set ki phir rajni ne mere pairon se mujhe sajan shuru ki phle wo mere pairon ke nakhunon ko revlon ki red colou ki nail polish se mere dason nakhuno ko achhi trah paint ki phir mere pairon ki dason ungliyon me bichhuye phnai phir ek heavy ghunguru wali payal phanayi aur ek hlki paual phnayi jo mere pairo ki ungliyon se chain ke dwara judi thi phir wo mere hand pe aa gyi aur mere hanthon ke nakhunon ko red colour ki nailpolish se achhi trah pain ki phir mere har unguliyo me ring phnayi phir red green colour ki kamdar chuda set gold bangale ke sath phnayi jo mere pure hathon ki kalaiyon me bhr gai thi gale me 3 heavy neckless phnayi jo meri mami ki thi phir wo mere head pe wig set mere face pe foundatin facepowde eye liner kajal eye lashaes etc jo aankhon ko sjane me use ki jati hai sb lagai meri aankhen black redder green dikh rhi thi meri gal pe lali lagayi mere hothon pe lining ki usme revlon ki red colour ki dark lipstic lagayi phir meri mathe pe bindiya lagayi jo meri pasand ki thi red green colour kamwali chmkti hui bindiyan aur kuchh bindi meri eyebrow ke uper lagake sajai jaise ek dulhan ko bindi se sajai jati thik usi trah puri bridal bindi se rajni ne meri forehead ko sajai phir mujhe mangtika pahnai meri kan me ek heayu earring jo meri shoulder tk phunch rhi thi phnai ayr upar ke do chhed me bhi earring pahanai nak me ek big round wali heavy nath pahnai jo chain se meri kano ke earing se connect thi nath ki bali mere hothon ko touch kr rhi thi phir rajni mujhe bjuband kamarband bandhi aur full bridal as a indin dulhan ki trah saja ke bna di phir mujhe apne aap ko mirror me dekhne boli mai apne aap ko mirror me dekha ke sharma gai mai bilkul ek indian dulhan ki dikh rhi thi mano meri aaj shadi honewali ho tb tk meri mami bhi aa gyi aur mujhe dekh ke boli meri neha to aaj bilkul dulhan lag rhi hai aur dulhan ki sharma bhi rhi hai mai aur sharam se lal ho gai phir rajni chali gai tb tk meri mami ne bhi meri birthday ki puri taiyari kar rkhi thi mai boli mami chlo cake katte hain to mami boli tumhare liye ek aur surprise hai thodi der ruko mai boli kya tb tk door ki bell bji mai dar gyi ki kaun aa gya meri mami muskurate huye gyi aur door kholi ek ladki under aayi mami use boli aao shikha tumhare liye bhi aaj surprise hai wo boli kya bua mai bta dun wo unke bde bhai ki ladki thi wo under aayi aur mujhe dekh ke boli bua ye kaun hai meri mami boli phchano kaun hai wo gaur se dekhi phir boli ye to nilay hai to mami boli ye ab nilay nhi neha hai aur tumhari hone wali bibi mai to chunk hi gya mai mami se boli mami kya bol rhi ho mai nhi krunga ye sb wo phir mujhe blackmail krne lgi phir mai man gya shikha ka body mard ki trah storng and tall tha aur wo mard ke hi kapde pahnti thi shikha boli mai taiyar hun phir mami boli shubh kam me der kaisi aur mami shikha ko taiyar hone bhej di wo sherwani phan ke taiyar hoke aa gyi aur mami hm dono ke le kar ek mandir gyi aur wahan meri shadi krayi shikha ne meri mang me sindur bhra aur mere gale mangalsutra phanya aur mere sath phere liye phir mai shikha ki pair chhke pranam ki aur wo mujhe sada suhagan ka aashirwad di phir hm ghar aa gye aur hmteenon ne milke apna birthday manaya cake kati phir khana khayi. phir meri mami ne bola aaj teri suharat hai aur mujhe uske bare me batayi phir mere hubby ne mere sath suhag rat manaya shikha ka nam mami ne shekhar rkh diya phir subah mami ne mujhe kitchen me bulaya aur ek housewife ka kya kam hota smjhayi mujhe cooking etc sri cheejen sikhyi phir hmdono ke ghrwalon ko bataya phle thoda na nukur kiye phir man gye phir mujhr ladies harmone ke dose diye gye aur shikha man harmon ke phie operation ke jariye hm dono ne apna sex change krwa liya aur mai neha bnke ek achhi housewife ki trah rhne lge. the end
kuchh galtiyan likhne me hui hogi uske liye sorry.....

Sunday, June 7, 2009

THE RETREAT (COLORS OF LIFE) - 2

Josephine Gonsalves


I had a very nervous and tense night. I did not know what Anchal would do? I had only known her for a few months. I did not know anything about her prior to her marriage to my brother. I knew that she had a hard childhood and teenage years. Her father had been imprisoned and tortured, during the forced expulsions carried out by the Ugandan government, under Idi Amin. He had died when she was only a year old. I knew that Aunty Sharmila, who was the oldest and her mother had shared the burden of raising her and two other sisters. Having been through hardships, I knew that she could manage both the home as well as her career. She was bright, good looking and open minded. My brother was a very lucky guy to have such a vibrant, good looking and hard working wife. Since her marriage and subsequent move to our home I had only seen the ‘good natured wife’ side of her. I knew that she was not pleased that my brother had gone off to Canada on his own, leaving her alone so soon after the marriage. However she had hid her feelings well and had only shown the good natured, hard working and homely side of her to the rest of us. To the outside world she had carried herself well in all aspects of daily life and had completely won over my parents. My mother liked the way she shed her stylish urban image once she was at home, wearing simple sarees or salwars instead of skirts and jeans.

She managed the house so that my mother and father could go to the Hindu temple and spend time with their old friends, whenever they were in Nairobi. Anchal was a modern urban women with modern open minded thinking, but I was aware that she had caught me in the act of wearing her clothes secretly without her permission and that could upset any woman. It was invading her privacy. Last night I was too scared to notice her reactions properly. Now I was wondering what she would do. Would she tell my mum privately and treat the matter delicately or would she just burst out to my family and make me out to be a ‘weirdo’?. I was hoping she would do neither, but would keep silent about it and keep it as our secret.

It was still early the next morning when she knocked on my door. She was dressed casually in a simple red salwar kameez. She said “good morning, Rajesh or is it Rajani? Wash up, bring in all the clothes from the terrace and fold them. Then come down to the kitchen. You have ten minutes … no more” She was smiling but her voice was stern. I felt relieved that she was her calm, normal self which lifted my spirits. I freshened up, gathered the clothes from the terrace and went down to the kitchen. Anchal was behind the kitchen counter, getting breakfast ready. She told me to keep the clothes in different piles, one for my parent’s, one for hers and one for me. She asked me to keep her clothes in her room on the wooden cabinet, mine in my room and my parents on the old chair outside their room. I did as she said and returned back to the kitchen. She then told me to go to the back porch and bring in the aprons. She used a polite yet firm voice as she spoke to me. I was told to put on an apron and lay the plates for breakfast. I checked the pile of neatly folded washed aprons and noticed that they were all feminine looking. I picked one up and spread it noticing that it did not have any frills or lace but was definitely feminine. She saw my hesitation and told me “don’t worry, all the aprons in the pile are mine and they are feminine type. I put away all those dirty old fashioned ones used by Neena”. (Neena was our old cook and maid).“You like feminine things”. Then she added “Neena has gone to India on holiday for two months. My visa for Canada is delayed. You brother has already sold the business in Malindi and Mombassa and I have already resigned my job so I will be a housewife for sometime and you are going to assist me while you are here. Your parents will be here for a week, before returning to Mombassa. I know you will be glad to after last night. Come, come now we have to get everything ready for breakfast and you are going to be my assistant. We don’t have all morning and you don’t want Mum to see you wearing a nice feminine apron just yet”.


I knew she had me in a corner and the best way was to go along with what she wanted of me. I tied the apron around my waist and noticed how it looked almost like a skirt. I felt a little thrill and she noticed it. She said “good, now we get some work done here”. I was told to take the plates and run them under the faucet in the sink. Then she passed me the dishtowel and asked me to dry them. I did as she instructed me and placed the paltes on the dining table. Then she had me wash the fruits, slice them and arrange them on a large serving plate. She showed me just how to arrange the fruits on the platter. She had already boiled the eggs and I was now required to shell them. Here too she showed me how to shell the eggs cleanly. Then I was asked to toast the bread and lay them in a serving plate. She had already prepared coffee which we all liked boiled and filtered. When all was ready she asked me to wash my hands, take off the apron and fold it neatly. She folded her own tiny apron away and went to call my parents. My parents were surprised to see me up so early and waiting for them. Breakfast was pleasant with my mum and Anchal doing most of the talking. My dad as usual hid behind the morning paper or just ate quietly. My mum finished off her breakfast and as usual was proceeding to clear the table, but Anchal politely told her to concentrate on getting Dadaji, my father and herself ready for their trip back to Mombassa. They were to catch the 10 o’clock express train. She told my mother that the private taxi would be coming at 9 o’clock to take them to the station. She would take care of the house and make sure that I was well behaved during the coming weeks.


That weekend she shrewdly got me involved in most of the domestic chores that I had simply taken for granted. I understood what she was up to within a short time. She was getting at me for secretly wearing her clothes, yet also letting me experience feminine life, under her supervision. I was not just wearing feminine clothes but getting to feel like a young girl helping in the kitchen. The next day she woke me up early and asked me to bathe and wear only a white vest and shorts. She told me to come down and join her in the puja room. I did as she said and found her making preparation for her morning ritual. She was wearing a saree and made me wear a white duppatta over my head. Then she lit the small mud lamps(deepa) and asked me to join her in her puja.

Here I was a teenage boy, head covered like a woman and performing puja with my sister in law. She looked solemn and serious and I followed her example and did as she did. After the short puja she smeared vermilion on my forehead and then she said that today we would have a fasting breakfast of arrowroot porridge and bananas. We had breakfast with me still dressed in the dupatta covering my head like a young girl. After breakfast she said that today we had to do a lot of cleaning and laundry so she had me wear an even more feminine apron. It was flowered pattern, full length one. I had not seen anything like it. It was almost like a frock and I guessed she had bought it especially for me. I liked the apron and was enjoying being ‘house trained’ by her. Only she and I were at home, so it was okay. But during the morning we were caught by surprise when Aruna came to the kitchen from the back entrance unannounced. We were so caught up in my housetraining that we did not hear her motorbike approaching, with which we usually were able to know when Aruna or Vinod were around. She was surprised to see me in the kitchen helping out but even more surprised to see me in the girly apron. Anchal recovered quickly and told her that I had lost a bet and as part of the forfeit had to help her in the household chores till Neena our maid returned from her vacation, in India. Aruna asked her if wearing girly was part of the bet. When Anchal said yes, she said she should have made it full feminine attire and not only aprons. Anchal asked her why and she said because I would look better than most women as a female. Anchal told her that if I was willing then maybe she would dress me as a girl. Aruna told her that she would like to see me dressed in a saree. When Anchal smiled she added that if she was able to dress me in a saree she would dress as a man in a man’s suit and accompany me to one of the club’s evening social gatherings. Anchal told Aruna it all depended on me and how well I did my chores. That satisfied Aruna who saw how I was struggling to roll the chapattis. My chapattis were looking like ‘different countries maps’ instead of circular chapattis. She took up another board and roller and started rolling out chapattis too. She too was not so good at it and we had fun seeing who could roll out better chapattis. Aruna stayed on for lunch and decided that it was fun watching me do chores and stayed the entire day. She joined me in cutting vegetables, cleaning the floor, doing laundry and cutting onions. She stuck to her tomboy style and did not wear an apron but enjoyed watching me wear one.


This went on for a week and I was feeling fairly pleased that till now only Aunty Sharmila and Aruna knew I was helping Anchal in the kitchen and around the house. No one knew about me performing puja with Anchal, with my head covered like a female. This was good as I was getting to wear Anchal’s aprons and dupattas while helping out in the house. But I was on holidays and like all teenage boys I still had the evenings where I met up with my friends and did the usual things that teenagers do. I still enjoyed being a boy when I was outdoors but I realized that I could not go back to being my old lazy self. No late nights or smoking and drinking or making bets on the sly. My friends noticed the difference and remarked that maybe I had a secret girlfriend. After a week I was not only looking better but feeling better too.


As I continued helping her and spending time with her we felt a ease in each other’s company and got to know more about each other. We spoke about many things, mostly general topics but also some personal. So it came as no surprise when it was I who brought out the topic of my crossdressing. She asked me how and when I had first started doing this. I told her that I had started only after she had come into our family. That surprised her. She asked me if that was the truth and while I was trying to explain she got up went upstairs and came down with a few photo albums. The albums were my mothers and they contained childhood pictures of me and my brother. The title and years were written on the covers, like 1980-88 Govind’ school years, 1988-96 Rajesh’s school years and Rajesh 1996-99 Rajesh’s school years.


She opened the Rajesh 1988-96 photo album which was bigger and thicker than the other two. It was easy to see why it was bigger and thicker. It contained a lot of pictures of me in female dress. All the drama and fancy dress pictures photographs were in this album. She had seen pictures of me dressed as a girl. I told her about my acting in school drama’s and fancy dress. Then she asked me if that had got me into liking to dress in female clothes. I was wondering what she was getting at and said that I had liked it very much especially being dolled up and receiving all the attention. I also like the feel of women’s clothes especially the feeling of wearing a saree. She asked me if it was the first time that I had tried to wear her saree. I was mulling over her question when she made it easier for me by saying that she did not want to embarrass me further but she had known quite early on about my secretly wearing her clothes. I stayed silent as she told me how her feminine intuition had somehow detected some disturbance in her clothes. At first she thought it was Neena, but on checking it out noticed that it was only when I was around. She was not sure how to tackle this situation. As it continued to nag her thoughts she had confided her suspicions to her older sister, Aunty Sharmila, as we called Vinod and Aruna’s step mother, at that time. Aunty Sharmila had told her to confirm it by purposely making sure that some of her clothes were kept within my reach, preferably on the terrace when I was here on holidays. The ploy had worked and she was able to confirm that I was wearing her clothes. She was angry at first, since I was violating her privacy by wearing her clothes without her permission. Aunty Sharmila had managed to talk her out of her anger and look at me from a different perspective. She told her about her own son’s crossdressing and how she had talked to him and it had helped him to perform and behave much better after that. Anchal had taken her advice. She noticed that I was soft looking and vulnerable. She felt sad for me and decided that if I were to open up to her, then she would guide me as best as she could with out letting me get into any compromising situation. She had read about men who liked wearing female clothes and how they were misunderstood and made out to be eunuchs and hijras, hiding their secrets from family and friends and running away when it was found out. She wanted to help provided I did as she said and stayed away from my friends who were slyly drinking and gambling. I told her that I had been careful and made sure her clothes were kept back as I found them, besides the clothes could be disturbed by the wind or other elements so how was she able to know I wore her clothes. She smiled and said that a woman simply knows. We are able to detect when something is amiss like certain scents and behavior, especially with private things like bras and petticoats.


Having resolved why and how I had worn her clothes and being better acquainted she asked me if I would like to experience dressing and living like a female for a few days. I told her that it would be difficult and my father would not like it. She said that she would arrange it. She would coax my parents to take a trip to visit some relatives during the Diwali festival week, instead of coming to Nairobi as it would be rainy weather here. Anchal helped them pack and arranged their transportation. After they had gone and we were on our own she told me that she would let me dress as a woman for the week provided I kept a fast of eating only vegetarian food and doing as she said. I was overjoyed and told her so. She had specific instructions she wanted me to follow. She gave me a jar of tumeric paste and told me to use it before bathing. She also gave me an old pink salwar kameez set and an old bra and told me to wear it after bath. I was really overjoyed and took time bathing visualizing myself dressed as a woman with Anchal helping me. I wore her clothes feeling shivers of excitement as I did. I was enjoying my new womanly feelings when Anchal came to my room and told me to try her high heeled sandals. She was looking excited with my appearance and said that with some accessories I could easily pass as a woman. She slid out her heeled sandals from her feet and I tried them on. They fit me very well and I found myself a little taller than her. She told me that she had got these from Sharmila Aunty. I asked her why and she said that she had guessed that her sandals would be small for my feet. I tried to walk and tottered on the heels. She laughed and said that she knew I would have a little difficulty with these high heels but had purposely made me try them on for fun. There was another pair with smaller heels which I could try in her room. I removed the heels and she wore them. I noticed that the sandals were big for her but she now looked much taller than me. With her leading me I followed to her room. She had me wear the smaller heeled sandals. Then she got out a long haired wig which she fixed on my head. I had pierced ears which she noticed and so removed her own small earrings and fixed them on my ear lobes. With a little face powder, mascara and lipstick she had me looking like a woman. With the small heeled sandals on my feet I was as tall as her. She was so impressed with my transformation that she held my waist like we were sisters or close friends. I was so thrilled that I nearly fainted. That day I helped her in the housework wearing the pink salwar kameez and feeling like a young girl. I must admit that although I looked like a woman my sexual feelings were anything feminine. I could feel the excitement grow in the tight constrains of my underwear. It strained and I had just to run my hands over the area to feel the release. The entire day my excitement swelled and ebbed and I knew that the salwar and my underwear were thoroughly soiled.


It was quite a relief to get out of the salwar kameez, bra, wig and high heeled sandals and have a refreshing shower. However in the evening she once again took my hand and led me to her bedroom. I was feeling shy but she reassured me that she wanted to see me dressed in her saree. On her bed she had laid out a pink saree with matching blouse and petticoat. On her dressing table, next to her creams and makeup, she had placed a pair of long clip on earrings, six gold plated bangles and a small pink beaded necklace with a rose pendent. On the floor besides the bed were the high heeled scandals. She told me that she was going to step outside so that I could undress out of the shorts and T shirt and get into the petticoat, bra and blouse. I slowly undressed and took up the petticoat and put it on securely tightening the drawstring at my waist and tucking the knot inside. Anchal returned and noticed that I had not stuffed my bra well. She held out rolled up balls of cotton for me to stuff inside the cups of the bra. Then she watched as I put on her blouse. Her blouse fit me well and she remarked that it fit me much better than it did her. After that I took up the saree but she told me to wear the sandals first as then I could maintain the correct length. I slipped on the sandals and immediately noticed the change in my poture. I started draping the saree and Anchal immediately corrected me and showed me how to get the drape right. Then she helped me with the make up after which she combed out my wig and plaited it in a single long plait. Then she helped me with the jewelry. The feelings and excitement mounted and so did the swell in my underwear. Anchal too noticed it but only smiled. I was feeling really light headed with excitement as she let me admire myself in the mirror. I was thrilled to see my reflection. I looked like a young woman. My saree was well draped, my hair well done and make up subtle. Anchal then told me that now I had to learn to walk and move about in the saree, like a woman. After showing me how a woman walked and sat or stood she had me do as she instructed. Then to practice my walking a little more she led me to the terrace. She showed me how to hold the pleats while using the stairs. It was so nice and sexy holding the pleats a little off the floor, with one hand and the staircase banister rail with the other. We walked and talked like two women. My hands inevitably moved close to my middle areas and in doing so elevated the excitement. It was in such a state that while walking on the terrace that I felt the first spasms of my relief. Anchal knew what I was going thru as the shivers and goose bumps travelled down my body, but she stayed calm and in control. We lost sense of time as we held hands like two close friends. It was late when she told me that I now had to undress and wear my own clothes for the night. The picture of me in her pink saree stayed in my mind and I felt soft and feminine, but my sexual organs stirred like a male, hard and excited.


The next day I bathed and wore the salwar kameez and came down to help her in the morning. She looked at me and a small sigh escaped her lips. I looked at her for some more signs and she said “I did not expect you to come down dressed as a female. I was under the impression that yesterday’s dressing would be enough for sometime. Now it seems fairly clear that you want to stay dressed as a woman all the time. I am worried that maybe I have just fanned your desires instead of quelling them. I don’t know if I am doing the right thing. Last night I must confess that I got carried away and felt I was with my younger sister at first but at some point I felt a little excited. It had a little sexual underlying feeling. It unnerved and unsettled me, bringing back some memories of my teenage years. Now looking at you I am feeling the same emotions and I hope we can continue being a sister in law and younger brother in law”. I told her that I too had similar feelings but I hope that we could keep our friendship and sister brother relationship.


Having said that she asked me if I was comfortable doing the chores in female attire. I told her that I felt very good and was enjoying myself. She told me that she had once again spoken to Sharmila aunty about me and they had both agreed that I should have been born a girl as I had so many feminine characteristics. Sharmila aunty was of the opinion that I could perform better and be happier if I was allowed to express hidden desires of dressing up as a female by taking part in fancy dress or dramas. She had spoken to my mum once about it and my mum had been saddened. My mum told her that my father and brother were already angry with her because of her encouraging me to dress as a female in school plays and dramas when I was young. They often blamed her for my frail and androgynous looks. Anchal told me that we would not let any of my dressing out to my father and brother. She had told my mum that she was going to dress me in her clothes while they were away. My mum had agreed and that is why she had gone visiting relatives during these two weeks.


All that week I dressed in Anchal’s clothes and did the housework like a female. In the afternoons I took a nap wearing her salwar kameez and at night I slept in her night dress. I must confess that I did get a lot of sexual gratification. In the mornings I washed her clothes as well as mine and hung them on the clothes line on the terrace. The only male item I wore was my male underwear as Anchal would not allow me to wear hers. The evenings were especially good as we would both wear sarees and take a stroll on the terrace, our hands entwined like two sisters. Sometimes she would hold my waist which made me feel feminine and sent shivers down my body. On Diwali day we both wore puja sarees with jasmine flower garlands in our hair, lots of jewelry etc and performed puja like two women. We made rangoli(colored design) patterns on our verandah and entrance and prepared sweets, enjoying life like two sisters. Later in the evening Aunty Sharmila and Aruna joined us. Aruna wore a pretty red and white churidar in keeping with the festival mood, instead of jeans and T shirt as she usually did. Later Anchal coaxed her to wear a puja saree, so we could perform evening ‘aarti’.


Aruna was really impressed with my looks and was very vocal about it. She could not help touching me and holding my hands. Aunty Sharmila and Anchal had to restrain her from kissing me and embarrassing me. All evening she raved and ranted about what a pretty woman I was and that if we were to go out to the club or restaurant that I would attract the attention of most men and young boys. Anchal said that she had only agreed to allow me to dress in the privacy of our house. Word of my dressing and going out as a woman would reach my father and brother and she was afraid of the consequences. While they were discussing the pros and cons of taking me out as a woman, I decided to make us some coffee. While I was preparing the coffee they continued talking and Aruna’s continuous and persistent desire to let me go out as a woman had its effect on Aunty Sharmila. She said that if I was willing then they would all go out to the club the day after tomorrow, dressed as a woman provided Aruna too wore a saree.


The next day we were to visit them in the evening and in the morning we would have our own puja and rituals it being baubhij(festival of love between brother/sister). Aruna agreed and said that would be okay but she had told Anchal that she would wear a man’s suit if Anchal was able to get me to dress as a woman. Anchal was now a little worried. She said she had agreed at that time but it was too early to let me go outside dressed as a woman. It was then that Aunty Sharmila said that there would not be a better time than this week as there were a lot of social events where crossdressing could be included in the agenda. Aruna said that she and Reema along with Vinod and Reema’s brother were going to put up a small skit on the week end for the ladies club wherein they would be exchanging roles. The boys were to dress as women and they were to dress as men. Anchal was still not convinced so Aunty Sharmila said she would get Vinod to come here and dress in a saree for Anchal to see. Aruna knew about Vinod’s secret said that if Vinod who was tall and athletic could look like a woman then I could pass as a woman easily. Anchal agreed that if Vinod was going out too then it would look like a fun evening and it could be explained away to my parents if they got word about it. Aunty Sharmila then made a call and with in fifteen minutes we heard the sound of the motorcycle as it approached. I was under the impression that only Vinod was coming but was surprised to see Reema following. What was even more surprising was that she too had worn a saree, it being Diwali day. She looked pretty and grown up, in an olive green silk saree. She did not recognize me. We greeted each other and chatted a while. Even after Aunty Sharmila and Aruna told her who I was she was could not believe her eyes. Aunty Sharmila said that she was in for a fun evening as even Vinod was going to dress up as a woman. It was going to be a woman’s night here.


Aunty Sharmila asked Vinod to give her the parcel she had told him to bring along and follow her to Anchal’s bedroom. Vinod was shy but followed his step mother. In the meanwhile Aruna said that she too would like to wear another saree and would like to see me dressed in her red and white churidar. The night was getting hilarious but I played along. Anchal said that she would lend Aruna a saree. So they too proceeded upstairs. Reema and I talked a while and she asked me how this ‘dressing in sarees’ evening had come to happen. I told her that Aunty Sharmila had wanted all of us to go out for a fun evening as ladies and then as we discussed they had decided that we would all wear sarees. I offered her sweets and some coffe while the rest of them dressed and came downstairs, with Aruna in Anchal’s peach saree and Aunty Sharmila leading a shy Vinod wearing a saree. Aunty Sharmila had managed to make Vinod look feminine inspite of his height and built. He looked sweet in a red saree. We had a little fun and since I was dressed in saree too they decided to click a snap of us.

Even with heels I only came up to Vinod’s chin. Aunty Sharmila gave me her handbag and adjusted my saree, so that it clung to my body. Aruna fluffed my hair and Vinod and I posed for them as they clicked pictures of us. Later Anchal had Vinod remove his glasses and redid his long hair and lent him her red and gold saree. She asked me to wear Aruna’s churidar and we posed as young girls with Reema and Aruna. It was so nice to see the four of us as girls smiling, Reema in her olive green saree, Vinod, tall and mature looking in the red and gold saree, Aruna in the peach saree with her hair combed back and me in Aruna’s white and red churidar. Her churidar was a little oversized for me and the difference in height as I stood besides her and the others who were taller than me contributed to me feeling all the more feminine. The constant touching and posing also touched my erotic side and I was really feeling light headed.


We then discussed the skit with the two boys to be dressed as women and the two girls as men. Aruna, Reema and Vinod said that they would get the costumes and wigs for that. For the skit the girls, Aruna and Reema would wear men’s jackets and trousers and short hair wigs while the boys Vinod and Reema’s brother Ajay, would wear old fashioned gowns and blonde wigs. Reema’s mother knew a costume company that hired out old fashioned gowns and wigs. They said that they would find suitable costumes and wigs for me and Anchal too. Anchal protested but they coaxed her to take part and with aunty Sharmila backing them finally got her to agree. I did not say much, but went on making trips to the kitchen to replenish the coffee and refreshments. This was not lost on Aunty Sharmila who commented and said that I made a better girl than a boy. Reema and Aruna agreed too and said that since I looked very pretty as a woman in a saree I could easily take part in the ‘saree evening’ where all the ladies were supposed to wear their best silk saree and pose for pictures. Aunty Sharmila said that the last year only a few women had taken part. It was such a pity that most of the young girls had opted to wear western wear instead of a saree. She said it was a splendid idea and so it was agreed that I would take part along with Reema, Aruna, Anchal and Aunty Sharmila in the ‘saree splendor pageant’


The saree evening was to be held on Friday evening and on Saturday was the variety evening where the skits and ‘role reversal dance’ were to be held. Now that Anchal had agreed to both of us taking part she said that she would get me dressed for the saree evening but was not sure of the ‘role reversal’ evening. Reema and Aruna told her not to worry as they would help her and Aunty Sharmila said she would dress me up in an evening gown. I cannot tell you how much we all enjoyed preparing and rehearsing for these two evenings. The saree evening went so well that no one besides our group knew I was a male. Some of the women kept inquiring about me and Anchal really enjoyed telling them that I was her cousin from India. They started calling me ‘Rajani’, which took hold and I too started responding to it. Dressing up as a woman was one thing but moving about as one was another. Aunty Sharmila and Anchal were surprised at how well I pulled it off. It was erotic to sit and move with the other women, all dressed in silk sarees and jewelry. The images of me posing with the other women are still vividly etched in my mind.

Once Anchal was over her initial hesitation of letting me go outside the house, dressed as a female, she really put all efforts to see that I was really looking good. She spent more time in grooming me than on her own self. It was funny how she wanted me to look like a young starlet and had me try out her entire collection of sarees. I was in seventh heaven; I not only got to try out her sarees but also some of my mum’s. When finally the day arrived she settled for me to wear a green and gold silk saree while she wore a brown and gold one. Aruna, Reema, Aunty Sharmila, Anchal and I really enjoyed the evening. There was much posing and picture taking and I had a great evening as a woman.


The next day we attended the ‘role reversal dance’. Aruna, Reema, Vinod and Reema’s brother Ajay put up a brilliant skit and made everyone laugh with their jokes and humorous lines. Aruna was in her element looking cool in a cream jacket and short haired wig.Reema wore a dark jacket. The boys wore frilly gowns and blonde haired wigs. It was such a treat watching the skit. We sat in the audience while the skits were being enacted. I was wearing a black gown with a white stole and black heels. Anchal wore a black man’s suit with white shirt and tie. Her long hair was hidden by a bowler hat and she looked quite dashing. Sitting next to her like that was really sensual.


It was such a fun evening and there were so much crazy activities done that I cannot remember the chronological order and so won’t go into details of that night but it was fantastic. I did not know that we could have so much clean fun only by swapping roles. There were so many couples who had dared to come dressed in reverse roles. It was okay to see young girls dressed in men’s jackets and trousers, their hair contained under short haired wigs, but so many normally macho men in gowns and sarees was really entertaining. That I had a good time was evident to all. Anchal too had a good time and really enjoyed the evening.


That week was really exciting. The next week my parents came back from their visit and we were restricted to apron and housework. Anchal too was busy with preparing her papers for her Canadian visa. After such a hectic social week and it was really nice to get some work done a home. My mother was impressed with my handling the house chores, but my father was not pleased at all saying that I had to put in more effort with my studies. I still had two weeks of holidays when Aunty Sharmila visited and said that the Indian community in Nairobi was putting up a variety program and she wanted Anchal and me to join her and a few others in putting up a traditional dance item. Anchal told her about my father’s reaction to my doing house chores and she said that she would talk to my parents. How she managed to convince my father to allow me to take part in the dance item and that too as a female is a wonder to me. She even got my mother to agree to take part, which made it more pleasurable. Now I had a chance to not only dress and dance on stage as a female, but with my sister in law and mother as well. Since my mother had agreed and my father had given his approval we were able to practice at home some very traditional female dancing. That was fun itself but getting dressed in those beautiful sarees and chaniya cholis was like being in heaven.


I must say that that holiday was the best holiday I had in a long time. Most of the other women who were part of the dance did not even know that I was a male. I came to know from Aruna and Reema that a lot of young guys were inquiring about the new girl. I enjoyed that week dressing and dancing like a woman in two dances. In one I danced along side the older women, and in the other with the young girls. It was a surprise that I a male got to perform with both groups. I enjoyed the attention paid by everyone and the touching and womanly caressing that went with it. I don’t know how many times I relived those days of dressing and behaving like a woman at home as well as outside the home.


The holidays came to an end and I went back to school to prepare for my final examinations. I was feeling really good and had my fill of wearing female clothes for the moment. With my emotions in control it was easy for me to concentrate on my studies and I was doing very well. I was filled with anticipation about my next holiday in Nairobi. All sorts of fantasies filled my mind and made me feel sensual, but alas it was not to be.


My sister in law’s Canadian visa came thru and she had to leave before my final examinations. That her going away really affected me is hard to say. There were other factors too. But for me I it was big loss.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

THE RETREAT (COLOURS OF LIFE) - 1

Josephine Gonsalves

It was nearing evening and the dusk shadows were lengthening. I casually gathered the pleats of my saree and pulled the pallu around me as I sat contently in the shadows on the large smooth rock, besides the well. It was in a little way off from the narrow rock strewn path that led to the beach. The rock and well were not visible from the old house as they were surrounded by the tall palms and shorter berry shrubs and drumstick trees, which kept it cool and shady here, for most part of the day. The terrain sloped down gradually for a hundred meters or so, and met with the narrow rocky beach. Further inland, at a little height, stood the old house that was now my haven and retreat. For the past three weeks or so, I had come here every evening, by myself to watch the sunset and thank GOD for the solace and peace I now enjoyed. I felt like a blissfully happy and secure young housewife.

The large compound was bordered by the homes of impoverished families. The men worked the small fields and did odd jobs in the small scale cottage industries. The women did housework and some part time odd jobs that brought in some income.

Some of them did the household chores and odd jobs around the old house. Sudha was our cook. Shanti and Gauri ground the flour and millet in the afternoons. Vasanti swept and cleaned the house. Manju washed our clothes which left me with only serving the food and dolling up myself as a ‘bahu’ or wife .

The house was now repaired and the palm trees and garden was now lush and green. It had taken a few years of physical effort and financial expenses to regain its lost charm. The same can be said of my life which I had squandered away by my own negligent living. I was living in squalid and congested conditions in the slums of Mumbai. With no proper job I was shabby and malnourished. I don’t know how I survived a whole year of hiding from the law and ‘the real estate mafia’. Had it not been for my mother in law, Sharmila, who I now affectionately call Sham, I would have not been able to get out of the hole I had jumped into.

She had lost her immediate family in one blow, but had found an unprecedented amount of physical strength and mental resolve to overcome her misfortune. She knew that I was in need of emotional and physical support. In a strange way she had always know this, from by teens. She had seen thru my ‘male camouflage’ the gentler feminine person who was crying out to find release. With her there was no need to pretend to hold on to my male personality. I knew from early on that she had more ‘balls’ than most men, beneath her buxom woman exterior. When I arrived here I was already dressing up as a woman, which prompted her to make me shed off all my male mannerisms and not only dress but live as a woman. A few evenings in her company and I succumbed to her charms. Now I am ‘her’ woman almost everyday, but for the few occasions I leave here and visit the city. For my part I am totally devoted to her but for these moments on my own. Sitting here by the well, in the dusk shadows is one of the best times of my day. Next week I have to make one of my rare visits to Mumbai and put on my ‘ mask’ for the outside world…..

I love my attractive, buxom mother in law. We have Sas/bahu relationship on the outside (mother in law/daughter in law), but are closeted lovers in private. I behave and dress like her daughter in law, but in reality I am her son in law, who was married to her step daughter.

This seems strange, a young man happily living as a housewife with his mother in law. But all this will make sense and even justify my present life as I tell you my story. I was an alcoholic and wasted young man, a few years before. Later, I was dressing as a woman and working in a ‘boy bar’, as a bargirl. A murder of a prominent land developer and estate agent to which I was a witness sent me in hiding where I managed living a difficult life as a odd job woman. But my life was turned about and I was saved from my hardship by mother in law. After a year of herbal treatment and a healthy lifestyle I once again regained my soft and feminine featured looks. I not only looked good but also felt good. My looks and new softness was not lost on my mother in law, who although leading a rejuvenated life, shedding her widow’s image for that of a women activist, was love starved. Her days were full with activities but her nights were lonely. When after spending a few months with her, she made casual advances to me I did not know how to reciprocate. I did not know if she wanted me as a woman or a ‘guy dressed as a woman’. She solved it for me by taking the proactive part. I enjoyed her ministrations so much that it left me no choice but to be her woman. Then to show her my gratitude and commitment to our relationship, I decided to be her ‘wife’. This pleased her and she vowed to love me and look after me. It was not easy going from son in law to ‘spouse’, while keeping up a front as a young woman. Thanks to this house and the people around it was possible and therefore I call it my Retreat.

My early years: I was the second son of a business family living in Nairobi, Kenya. I was born after many years to my parents after my mother suffered several miscarriages. As a result there was a thirteen year gap between me and my older brother. Although small in built and height I enjoyed good health and looks. It was my girlish looks that earned me parts in the local boy’s school dramas as a female. Unlike other boys who reluctantly agreed to play female roles I actually enjoyed doing so and looked forward to wearing female clothes at every opportunity. My mother who doted on me too enjoyed dressing me as a girl. Maybe she missed having a daughter. I liked the soft feel of feminine clothes and the sensation on my skin and within me. The effect I had on my teachers and other parents was tremendous. Most could not believe that I was a boy when they saw me dressed as a girl. Even my friend’s sisters were amazed at my girly looks and liked me. The boys found ways to tease me quietly but I did not mind as I knew they were jealous of the girls liking me. This went on till I was twelve, then I was sent to boarding school in Ooty, South India.

Teenage days and youth: The school I was enrolled in was a co education school and had girls. They attended the same classes as boys but lived in a separate hostel. There was no need for boys to play female roles in the school plays and I soon fell in with the routine of the school and was getting along with the other boys. I had a close friend Vinod who was a year older than me but was in the same class and my room mate at the hostel. He was a fun loving guy but was always up to pranks and did not do his school work. His father and my father had studied earlier here in this same school and we were distant relatives. Our families ran successful, small businesses in Nairobi, Kenya. We were members of many Indian East Africa clubs. As a result our families often met and visited with each other. Our fathers were business men, and our Mothers, homemakers. Vinod had an older sister, Aruna, who was in the same school. Back in Nairobi we were a couple of happy NRI families. Everything was normal till the untimely demise of Vinod’s mother.

Vinod’s troubles escalated after this and as a result his Father had to make frequent visits to the school. This went on for a year and then he suddenly changed. I thought it was because he had matured or as an indirect response to his father’s marriage to a younger woman. But it was something else……which I found out later.

In the times that we met, I summarized that Vinod’s new mum was very different from his real mother. She was young and very stylish. She wore western as well as Indian clothes, and was not afraid to speak her mind out. She was not beautiful in the classic way but very attractive in a ‘naughty aunty’ kind of way. She carried herself well and the young boys at the hostel found her attractive, whenever she visited. She looked like a South Indian actress in her colorful sarees and like a Hispanic woman in western dress.

During the holidays, when we visited Nairobi we met almost everyday. Like the other teenagers and youth, I found myself inevitably looking out for her and trying to catch glimpses of her tight blouse covered breasts when she wore sarees and cleavage when she wore dresses. I found her very sexy when she wore sarees. I was really smitten by her and we boys could not help ogling her. No other parent had such an effect on us boys. I often wondered how Vinod felt, because he knew that we boys were sneaking sly looks at his step mother and whispering lewd things about her.

That year, I spent most of my mid term holiday with Vinod at his family’s farm house near Mount Kenya, a short distance from Nairobi. Here during the holidays with very little studies and so many social events to attend I got to really know more of his family. I grew close to his sister, Drushti who we called Didi, was in the same school but in a different class. She like Vinod was tall and good looking but very tomboyish. and Vinod were avid motorcyclists. Although they were below age their mother coaxed their father to use his connections to get them driving licenses for their motorcycles. I thought that this and many other small favors were the reason for Vinod’s staying out of pranks. However there was another reason, a secret, which only his step mom and later I knew.

The countryside around Mount Kenya and near Lake Victoria is beautiful and we explored these places on bikes. At first it was okay as I sat on the pillion seat of Vinod’s bike whenever we went biking in the countryside. Later Renuka, Didi’s friend joined us. Vinod liked Renuka and wanted her to sit behind him so she and I took turns sitting pillion behind Vinod and Didi. At first I was reluctant to sit behind Didi, but she was not confident about my riding skills and I was not familiar with the terrain. Besides she liked riding her bike. Vinod and Renuka convinced me that it was no big deal sitting behind a girl. Didi was a very good rider. Besides she always wore jeans and a jacket and with her helmet looked like a young boy. Renuka said that if I tied my long hair in a scarf I would look like girl. To prove it she tied her scarf on me and Vinod and Didi agreed that I looked girlish. This was nothing new as Vinod and Didi had seen me dress and act as a girl. I started wearing a scarf or duppata frequently.

The evenings were different however and although I spent most of my time with Vinod, Renuka and Didi, I could not help noticing their step mother and sneaked sly looks at her, trying to catch a glimpse of her dressing or undressing. I must have sneaked and peeked at her hundred times or more.I simply liked looking at her breasts and her round bottoms. Although I did not see her completely undressed or naked, the vision of her hooking up her blouse or touching up her makeup was enough to get me excited. I was in my ‘raging hormones’ time and I soon started fantasying about her and other popular full figured Indian actresses. It was also the time that I realized that I was terribly attracted to fuller figured older women. I liked looking at them and making up images of how they would seduce me, which slowly changed to them dressing me in their clothes. The effect of being ‘feminized’ by the bike rides and seeing ‘under the table’ sex magazines became a little evident. Slowly these fantasies started changing. I started imagining older women undressing their sarees and then dressing me in them. At first I was a little disturbed but the images took shape in my mind. My favorite fantasy was of a full figured, older woman taking me by the hand and undressing me and then dressing me in her saree with all the accessories and then taking me in her lap and kissing me like we were lesbians. After watching some erotic films I would recreate images in my head and the young guys would fade away and I would take their place. Then I would become a young woman, dressed in the woman’s saree and she would be holding me lovingly making me feel like her female lover. My holiday came to an end without any of my fantasies being realized.

Crossdressing secretly : The next vacation saw me realize my desire of wearing female clothes and especially the saree. My brother got married when I was fourteen. He had finished his graduation and was thinking of moving to Canada. His wife, Anchal was the younger sister of Aunty Sharmila. She was a beautiful young woman and I was impressed by her. I liked talking to her and she too enjoyed talking to me. I liked the way she dressed and moved about. Her sarees and clothes looked soft. Watching her, my desires to dress as a girl started coming back to me. My brother was now looking after our retailing businesses in Mombassa and Malindi, on the coast. He shuttled between these two port towns and this made it difficult for Anchal. He decided to keep Anchal here in Nairobi, where the climate was pleasant and the threat of mosquitoes and related illness were rare. He came on week ends. He had redesigned the first floor so that his wife could have more space and privacy, on the first floor. My parents moved to our Mombassa house and stayed on the ground floor, whenever they visited Nairobi. The small room on the terrace was converted into a bedroom for me.

This proved a blessing for my hidden desires as now I had the terrace to myself, where the clothes were hung up for drying. Anchal had the similar features like her older sister, but was smaller built. My attraction for her older sister now got transferred on her. I started off by just feeling my sister in laws clothes but grew more adventurous with time. My sister in law worked as an accountant and wore western skirt suits and sarees mostly to work. At home she relaxed in salwar kameez or jeans. Being a working woman she aired her clothes on the terrace after she had worn them once, for wearing another time. I noticed that she often forgot to gather them and they stayed out during the night. This gave me the opportunity I had been waiting for. I tried her skirt suits and blouses and saw that they fit me which led me to her bras and petticoats. It wasn’t long before I was wearing her sarees too. I really got excited wearing her clothes. If I had a wig and make up I could easily have passed for a young woman. Whenever I saw her saree or clothes that she had worn earlier, I felt happy and waited for evening so that I could try them on.

That holiday was a fun time for me. I returned back to our boarding school in preparation for our final year. One afternoon I returned early from tuitions to find the door locked. After a few minutes Vinod opened the door and I saw a ‘sheepish’ look on his face. A few days later the same thing happened. One day I was searching for a log book that I had placed on top of the cupboard. It had fallen in the space between the cupboard and the wall. I tried to shift the cupboard but found it heavy. So I decided to lift the suitcases that were on it. I took a chair and stood on it to reach for the suitcases. Our suitcases were empty as our clothes were in the cupboards so I was not expecting any weight. As I was lifting off Vinod’s suitcase, it suddenly opened. I hurriedly tried to hold it shut but it opened further as I heaved it on the floor. I was going to shut it when a flash of color caught my eye. I opened the suitcase and was surprised to see an orange silk saree in it. The saree looked used and I was wondering about it when Vinod stepped in. He saw the open suitcase and tried to tell me that his mum had packed it by mistake. When he realized that I was still looking at the saree, he said it belonged to his girlfriend. But something told me this was not the case and so I said that his girlfriend did not wear sarees. By now I had lifted the saree and was feeling it’s softness. He saw my actions and said that it felt smooth and soft. I agreed and suddenly all pretense was abandoned. He told me how his attraction for his step mum that led him to experimenting with her clothes. He told me he got a thrill the first time he hurriedly wore her bra and petticoat and from then on he was hooked and went to wearing her other clothes secretly. I too told him about my experimenting with my sister in law’s clothes. Hearing this he felt relieved knowing he was not alone and no ‘freak’. He told me how his step mom had caught him wearing her saree. She had not berated him or made a noise about it. Instead she had sat him down and spoke to him kindly. She had asked him what thrill he got from wearing her clothes. He told her how from attraction to her his desire had wandered to her clothes and he felt excited when he wore her things. When on further questioning he told her that he was not gay or attracted to boys, she told him that she understood that maybe he had a ‘feminine side’ that only wanted to dress in female clothes. She told him that he should be careful that the servants or others did not find out. She went further and gave him books on gender and sexuality and they became close friends after this. Now I knew the main reason for his change and better grades.In spite of her warnings about secrecy he had taken a chance and sneaked away one of her older sarees. Now he wore it when he knew he could be alone in the room for sometime. I too admitted being attracted to his step mother. He said that he was not sexual attracted to her in the normal way but was attracted to her clothes. Now our secret of wearing female clothes was out we felt relieved.I was curious as I felt that I was one of the few rare boys who had a queer fetish. Now I felt relieved as here was Vinod, a tall, athletic boy telling me that he secretly wore female clothes. We did not talk much about the saree but one Sunday afternoon I asked him about the saree. We bolted the door and he wore the saree over his night pants. He wore it quiet well with no blouse. But he did not look feminine at all with his built and height.

Later he asked me to wear it. I had been waiting for my turn and wasted no time in doing so. As I was getting ready to wear it over my pants he went to his cupboard and got out a bra and panty, matching blouse and petticoat, a long haired wig and a small makeup kit. I asked him where he got it and he said that the bra and blouse were of his sister’s, however they were tight for him, but it looked to be my size.I did not need help with the bra and panty as I had worn my sister in law’s many times before. I felt excited. Vinod used old socks to fill out the cups and then he dressed me petticoat, blouse and saree. He took his time and I could feel myself shiver with excitement as he dressed me. Then he did up my face and placed the wig on my head. He made me look at myself in the mirror and I was surprised to see that he had done a good job and made me look almost feminine. He got out a camera and clicked a few pictures of me dressed as a woman. He told me that I had a very feminine face and figure and looked better than many natural girls. We took turns wearing the saree, however since the bra and blouse did not fit him he wore it without them, but I was hooked. This was like wearing my sister in law’s clothes.

I told him I felt different when I wore the saree and he too confessed feeling different. We felt like girls and became very sensitive and gentle with each other. He told me that if I learnt to use the make up well and wore the saree nicely, I would look really beautiful. I took to wearing the saree often and it was not long before I was able to drape the saree well and achieve a very feminine look.

During the next Diwali holidays we both got our chance to be dressed in complete female attire in both western and Indian style. My brother had gone to Canada to check out the place and was in the process of starting up a new life there. My parents and sister in law had just returned from visiting some relatives. I was bored and decided to take a walk on the terrace. I changed into my shorts and vest and went out on the terrace. My eyes were instinctively drawn to the clothes line and there to my joy was the saree, petticoat, blouse and bra that my sister in law, Anchal had worn to go out visiting earlier. I looked at the saree and knew I had to wear it. The saree was a deep pink, almost magenta colored silk saree with matching blouse. I observed the way the clothes were hung and secured with pegs so that they would not get blown away with the breeze. Then with shaking hands I took them off the clothesline and took them to my room. I undressed and put the bra and blouse. I noticed how well her blouse and bra fit me. The petticoat followed and then I started draping the saree. I was so totally engrossed in myself that I did not hear or notice anything. I was pleating the saree when a soft female voice said “and just what do you think you are doing, my dear?”

I stopped and looked up, surprise and then fear gripping me. There in front of me was Anchal, in her nightdress. “Are you planning to sleep in this, or are you going out someplace?” I stood there speechless as she walked behind me examining me. “Well are you not going to tuck the pleats in or not, or do you want me to do it. My mind went blank but my hands instinctively let go of the saree. All sorts of thoughts were running thru my mind. Anchal in the meanwhile just circled me cooing “nice back, nice boobs, nice buns…..” I don’t know how long I just stood there in semi dressed state.

Then she spoke softly in my ears “complete what you were doing, or I will ….” She left it at that. I was still too bewildered and confused, so I stood there immobile. Then she said it very softly and slowly “or I will have to do it for you”. Then it hit me and I hurriedly undraped the saree. Anchal held my hands and said “slowly, that is one of my better sarees, We will talk about this tomorrow”. She walked out of my room and I felt relieved and let my breath out in a whoosh. I hurriedly undressed and got into my own clothes. Then I folded the saree and other clothes and took them out and hung them as I had found them.

My mind was in a whirl and I paced the terrace shaking my head at the situation I had fallen into. I closed my eyes and prayed that Anchal would not tell my father or brother. Something in her look before she left me gave me a glimmer of hope. I went to bed, but remained awake for a while. I could not sleep…..

SUBURBAN SERENDIPITY-3

josphine Gonsalves



Helen was the ‘love child’ of an Anglo Indian teenage girl and was sent to the orphanage when she was a child. She had lived with her mother for a while until her untimely death at the hands of a drunk driver. She was fortunate that she was taken in as an orphan in the convent run by Christian nuns. Here she grew up in a prudent manner learning to be orderly and disciplined and make do with the bare necessities and donated clothes, shoes, toys etc. The nuns were kind but strict with them and they were given chores like helping out in the kitchen and cleaning the dorms and the chapel etc. Besides this the older girls had to look after the younger ones and help them dress, tidy themselves and do their school homework and studies.

The nuns also ran the girls school. The school had a boarding for girls who lived far away and day school for the girls of the local community. Helen and the others got to meet other girls their age and learnt about their families and how life was outside the convent. The older girls went out to the bazaar and shopping with the nuns from time to time. At an early age she had learned that she would have to be strong willed and make use of the opportunities that came her way. She was not very smart at school work but she liked athletics and sports very much and was the champion athlete and sports girl. Her Anglo Indian genes made her stand out and she was easily recognized because of her tall, lanky, fair skinned and European structure. Her friends called her a gazelle but the ‘stuck up snobs” called her a ‘fried eggs’ because of her small boobs.

Helen met boys her age when they came to the convent, where the school going children’s mass and Sunday school were held. To her the boys were like ‘buddies’ and she played catch or basket ball with them, after the Sunday school. The boys liked her for her tomboyish ways but were intimidated by her taller and more athletic abilities. They preferred chatting up the other girls who looked and behaved girlish. Helen’s structure was the cause for her always dressing like a boy, in jeans and shirts too as the nuns were not able to provide her frocks and skirts for her tall and skinny frame. The nuns got her school uniform stitched especially for her as the ones donated by the locals were very loose and short for her. The few times she dressed in female clothes were for Christmas and feasts and she felt really awkward then because she stood out among the other girls.

Up until her teens she was a very cheerful and outgoing girl, with nothing to hide and an open smile. With the onset of her female maturity and her periods Helen started getting these funny thoughts and feeling whenever she was with her friends. Whenever she was touched or touched the other girls she felt a kind of funny sensation that sent thrills up her body. She realized that she was attracted to the other girls and liked to see their breasts. It was not difficult and she often peeked at them while they were changing or in the bathroom. Most of the girls her age now had budding breasts and wider hips than her. They however always talked about boys, which she too liked to talk about but for different reasons. She liked looking at images and pictures of women better than pictures of boys and men. Often while watching a film, she would replace the hero with herself and imagine that she was wooing the heroine. There were many times when she intentionally brushed her finger tips against her friend’s breasts and behinds. The feeling was very exciting and after a time she became bolder and more ‘free feeling’.

In the beginning this was tolerated by most of the girls as she was their ‘champion’, but later some of the girls got wise to her ways and told her to keep her hands to herself. The girls who liked her touching them wanted to go further and that is how she started meeting one of two of them slyly in the evenings, after supper time and before sleeping time. She used to secretly climb the wall and meet her ‘dates’ in the shadows of the large trees in the park. Here on the park benches or under the trees she and her friends would kiss and pet and experiment with their new feelings. Their experience were only kissing and petting but that was enough for Helen as she liked kissing and feeling girls breasts, this went on till her final year till one of the other senior girls complained to the nun in charge about her. The nun in charge of them was a young and kind woman and had known Helen since she was a girl. She also knew about Helen’s sexual preference and was able to convince her in a nice way that what she was doing was not ‘normal’. Helen too understood that she was having ‘abnormal’ thoughts and desires. The nun told her to counter her urges with abstinence for a while and so she decided to use religion and prayers as her shield whenever these urges came upon her. Her perseverance paid off and she was able to control her hands and actions but not her emotions.

After completing her high school she was sent to college. In college she again felt left out as most of the girls came well dressed and in the latest fashion while she had to wear hand me downs and modest clothes, as she still lived at the orphanage. She concentrated on her sporting activities instead. In the third year of college she was selected for the state athletic relay team. The team traveled to Punjab state, where the All India University meet was being held. It was here that she met Regina an athlete from another state, who like her was tall but well built. She was a few years older than Helen and although from different states they became good friends. The first time Helen met her she knew that Regina was like her. Some strange chemistry and bond was drawing them to each other. Soon they went everywhere together and were nicknamed “Lone ranger and Toto”. Punjab was very cold and Regina lent Helen her extra track suits, jerseys, windcheaters etc. That was okay, but when she lent her inner clothes too Helen felt thrilled to wear Regina’s things. At first they were happy just to talk and be with each other in their room and on the bus to and from the sports stadium but soon they started to avoid the others and meet alone. It started with holding hands when no one was looking or around and progressed to touching and caresses and finally to kissing. On the last day of their stay Regina held her hand the whole way back from the stadium. They did not speak but they both knew that each was feeling something more than sisterly love for each other.

That evening when the others had gone to the town to shop for souvenirs and local specialties Regina took Helen up to her room. Once inside she wasted no time in taking Helen in her arms and kissing her. Helen was used to taking the other girls in her arms and kissing and pleasuring them but Regina was different. In a little while Helen found herself being drawn onto Regina’s lap. Regina was a strong girl and soon she had lifted Helen in her arms and carried her to the bed. There she quickly undressed her and pushed her on to the bed under the cover of the blanket. Then she quickly stripped off her clothes and joined her under the blanket. Regina was an experienced girl and did things to Helen that made Helen moan with pleasure. Then she taught her how to give pleasure to another girl. For the first time Helen enjoyed being kissed and being made love too. When it was time to get dressed they did so with haste as they knew that they would soon part and probably not meet again. Regina and Helen parted and promised to keep in touch. On the way back Helen started reminiscing about her evening with Regina and realized that she liked being made love to by a woman and feeling and sucking on women’s breasts.

Regina told her that she would meet her in the summer holidays. Before the summer holidays Regina asked her mother to write to the nuns and tell them that they were willing to have Helen over for the summer. Helen went to Goa and met Regina’s family. By day Helen and Regina were just good friends, but at night they not only shared the top room but also the bed and were lovers. Regina made Helen feel so loved and was the butch in the relationship. After a week of ‘finger fucking’ and oral sex, Regina finally took Helen’s virginity with the help of her strap on. The entire summer Helen was very happy and enjoyed kissing and sucking on Regina’s breasts and finally being fucked by her with her special appendage. Helen and Regina met twice every year till Regina’s parents decided that it was time she got married and settled down. They did not know about their daughter’s sexual preference. Regina was married to a doctor who had migrated to New Zealand. Helen attended her wedding and was the bridesmaid. During the course of the reception she and Regina went off to the bathroom and had a few ecstatic moments in a stall. Helen felt so thrilled to be kissing and feeling the bride and knew that it would probably be the last time.

After Regina moved out her life she felt sad and did not quite enjoy the activities that she liked before. Fortunately she continued her athletic and sports activities, winning some laurels and in due course was able to get over Regina. She was recruited by the railways on their sports quota. At first she lived in the hostel provided by her employers. The girls shared rooms and she found herself partnered with a sweet north Indian girl, named Nita. Nita was also new and a member of the hockey team. She was of average height with nice legs and a good figure. Helen and Nita got on well and became good friends, doing many things together like eating out and going to movies. She got to meet her coach and other team members and got on well with them. In due course she noticed that there were many senior players and athletes, who were ‘bi’ and were in some sort of relationship with the new or younger girls, besides going out and flirting with the male coaches and players. She guessed that she was also being gauged by the others and decided not to show any indications of her sexual orientations.

One evening she found Nita crying softly and asked her why. At first Nita just kept silent, but later told her that she had been subjected to ragging by the seniors and had been stripped and felt up by them in the changing room at the club. Helen tried to comfort her and put her arm around her and felt her flinch and shirk away. She asked her why she did that and Nita told her that the senior girls had teased her of being ‘her room mate’s babe’. Helen told her that she was not going to spoil their friendship by rumors of her sexual orientation. She told her that she would take care of her tormenters if they continued ragging her. She told Nita that she should tell the others that what they said was true and that Helen would come after them and ‘hurt’ them if they continued ragging her. Some of them tried to intimidate her, but that made her all the more persistent in resolve to protect Nita. There were a few skirmishes which Helen dealt with in her confident manner and after a while she and Nita were left alone.

After a year of living in the hostel she decided to live with a family as a paying guest. The family with whom she lived had school going children and she was happy to spend the evenings with them, when she was in town. They were a religious and church going family and so it was that she too drifted along with them to church and other church activities. In due course she started attending Bible study whenever she was able to and became more spiritual minded. However her emotions and thoughts always came back to tempt her and she reasoned that she wanted to live a decent life within the norms of society. She happened to see a comedy movie called “Our Miss Fred”, about a young soldier who is forced to dress and act as a female, in order to entertain the men on Saturday evenings at camp. He was cast as the heroine in the plays, during WWII. Their camp is over run, during one of the shows, by the Germans and they are all captured but the German officer tells his men to release the “Fraulians”, as the German army did not make war with Ladies. So he and his companions, who were dressed as English ladies, are able to meet up with the French resistance and eventually help their fellow army men escape. The hero was so convincing as a woman that when he lands home they immediately send him for training and he is sent to Germany as a woman spy. Helen was fascinated with the idea of a normal man dressing and living as a woman and went to see the movie again. She realized that she liked the part when he is surrounded by girls and females and is attracted to them but cannot express it as it will give him away. The more she thought about the more she was convinced that she could fall in love with a normal guy who could dress and act as a woman on the outside but be a man where it counted. She decided that if it was GOD’s plan for her to be in a good relationship she would find someone like that. And find she did ……

It was Nita who told her about the Christian church where many people of other faiths and races met every Sunday to praise GOD for their present lives. Since it was not a Catholic recognized group Helen was reluctant to attend at first. Then one day she made up her mind that she would attend and see for herself. It was here that she met Sheila. Their first and subsequent meetings were normal friendly ones. After a time they decided to meet and go shopping and out together. It was at a movie that Helen slowly took Sheila’s hand in hers and held it. Sheila did not pull back and they had held hands the entire time. After the movie they went out to eat and were not interested in the food but only in looking at each other. Helen knew that she was attracted to Sheila but her new spirituality was holding her back. Sheila too felt a strong attraction for this young woman and did not want to go back to the life she had led before.

They decided to stop seeing each other but found out that they were unhappy and fretting away on the inside. In a desperate bid to find out for herself about Sheila’s sexual orientation Helen came to Sheila’s place to tell her about her feeling for her. Sheila let her in and after a few awkward moments she blurted out her feelings for Sheila. Sheila listened and then she too burst out, telling Helen that she felt the same way about her but was running away from it. They were both crying and soon were in each others arms. Which of them initiated their first kiss is difficult to tell, but they were soon kissing and feeling each other and Helen took the lead in slowly unhooking Sheila’s blouse and bra and feeling her up. It had been such a long time and Sheila enjoyed the way Helen touched her breasts and was happy to see her go further and start kissing and sucking on them. As Helen went on feeling her up she felt her ‘male’ member cum and knew that somehow she had to let Helen know that she was a guy under the saree and C cup breasts. Helen however was happy kissing and feeling Sheila’s breasts for the time being. It was then that Sheila decided to do something that she had not done in a long time. She pulled Helen gently onto her lap and started to feel her and touch her. She liked the feel of Helen’s firm flesh and muscular back and was getting excited which made Helen notice that she was sitting on Sheila’s ‘extra’ part.

Helen felt Sheila’s male thing under the saree and touched it. She realized that Sheila was a guy and not a simple saree clad woman. Her surprise turned to relief after a time and Sheila saw the look of relief in Helen’s eyes and face and knew that she had found her soul mate. After that there were no secrets between them. Helen and Sheila kissed and petted but went no further for some time.

Finally Helen asked Sheila if she would marry her and be her husband. Sheila said that she would love to. Helen asked Sheila to tell her mother to give her the original birth certificate which said that she was a male. Once that was obtained, Helen asked Sheila to practice dressing and moving like a man for a few days. It was not easy as Sheila’s body had taken on a woman’s figure and she had long hair and feminine movements which she had developed over the years.

Once again Sheila’s mother’s help was sought and she and came up with the idea of them marrying in a civil ceremony. Sheila went to live with her mother and here she was made to practice wearing trousers and clothes for a week or so. Her mother bound her breasts with a long strip of cloth and her hair was put up and covered with a turban, A little padding around the stomach gave her a paunch which diverted attention from her chest . For her facial hair she was made to wear a moustache and short beard. A little ‘make up’ took care of her hands and neck so that she looked somewhat like a middle aged pot bellied man. Helen was told to practice wearing a saree. She took the help of Nita, who was happy to show her how to wear a saree and move about in a feminine way.

Sheila’s mother made all the preparations and finally the day came when Sheila dressed in a traditional Indian male dark long suit with a turban and Helen dressed in a red saree, with jewelry and flowers in her hair were wed at the registrar’s office, in a civil ceremony. Nirmala and Priya, Nita and Sheila’s mother and step father were the witnesses. After the ceremony they went off to change into more comfortable clothes that they were used to. Sheila wore the saree that Helen had worn with flowers in her hair while Helen wore a tan skirt suit with a white shirt. They had a nice lunch with their friends and then they left for a short honeymoon.

Helen and Sheila had found each other and their life partners.